What is wrong with being happy with what you have accomplished? I know, believe me I know, we can't all be the doctors and astronauts  we dreamed about in the first grade. But there is a hope inside of me, something daring to exist in the depth of my being--to do what I want to do. Alright so some parents want their kids to become doctors and lawyers or good money makers of some kind. But in the end it seems like a lot of effort for worldly things that don't truly matter. How can money really matter that much to anyone? Yes, money provides food and shelter, but bulldozing through the competition just to get your hands on a pile of stinky-passed-around (and therefore germ infested) dollar bills is just nuts. Crazy. And (money) tears down anyone's sense of dignity or good nature. 

So what can I say? For so many years I have tried to make my family proud. Doesn't happen. I have invested too much of myself trying to get my dad to notice me. Sure, I made mistakes. Sure I had a daughter at the wrong time with the wrong guy (not a big deal these days). But I tried to make my dad proud. And once again I changed my life so my dad would care. I put myself through school. I raised a daughter. I graduated college with a 4.0. Who really cared? Maybe I should apply to Law School, (I briefly entertained that idea) maybe they would like that. 

But it is all bull. REally it is. I don't want to be a lawyer. Oh yes, not to sound cocky, but I could do it. I would be great. But I would hate it. Boy, would I hate it. And it is not that being a lawyer is bad (even though jokes could contend otherwise). I am certain there are many people out there called to be a lawyer to do something passionate and not to do something to impress someone else.  

Now I want to do something for me. If you believe in God, or if you don't, I believe we are all meant to become something. Something to inspire us. I want to be a writer. I don't care if i am successful. I just want to write books. I have always felt that was my calling. So I don't want to be successful to extend my credentials or put in the little brochure of accomplishments at a reunion. For me, with writing, there are no feelings of pride or ambition. I want to do it because it makes me happy.

So what is wrong with that? Why does my family want me to pursue a career that I was never meant to be a part of? My children are cared for. My life is good. So butt out. Leave me alone. I don't need anyone's approval but my own. 

sudden fatigue syndrome

If only I had the energy I had when I was younger. I have more skill to accomplish things and the know how to do more things more efficiently than ever before. I just seem to have lost my get up and go. When I do get up and go Heaven forbid I sit down, that's when it happens, that sudden fatigue. It's all over now! Time to tune in the soaps and pretend enough coffee will boost me up to at least first gear instead of neutral. Maybe it's not just age, I've noticed that my Grand Daughters suffer too. They can run and play and jump and skip all day long but if asked to help with a chore of any kind WAM! Sudden Fatigue Syndrome. There must be a cure. Some where, some how. (now is a good time to plug E-Fusjon the energy drink my husband sells) But really most times I think it's just attitude and desire. Girls, really, it took me until I was 30 to learn to just keep up with things. It really is easier. You know what I'm saying. If you're leaving a room look around and see if something goes in the general direction your heading. Do a load or two of laundry DAILY. I've got a bunch of helpful hints but they go on a different blog. It's the extra projects that wear me out. And the running around. Any way as I've heard repeatedly, "If only they could bottle that." I would drink it and use my super human powers to solve every problem around. I would find everything my husband can't. Repair all the things that need repaired. Help my daughter with her laundry. Solve the energy problems, write daily in this blog. I would never stop. I would pull all the weeds all the time and brush my dogs hair, heck I would brush my hair. I would paint the basement and reupholster the chair. I would volunteer for something, maybe. If only I didn't suffer from Sudden Fatigue Syndrome.

Books for Teens?

If Only Mothers Paid More Attention. O. K. yes I was a teen pregnancy but really! Recently I overheard my daughters and their friends discussing two book series they have read. My daughters are 20 something, they can read what they want. My beef here is that they found these books in the Teen section. Moms.. these books are filled with lust and sex and immoral stuff. Orgies, blood lust.(whatever that is) but it involves having sex with three different people. I am not a prude but if I had a young daughter I would not allow her to read something that sounds like Romance Novel sex. It is a difficult these days to raise children with a strong moral compass. It seems like the world has gone mad. So Moms preread what your kids are reading. Protect them from the insatiable sex crazed attitudes out there. Protect them from themselves. And bookstores need to be more discerning where they place books in their stores.
Maybe we need some kind of rating system like for movies and games. And really (although I was given to understand a reason for it) but if you lived forever would you spend it in High School?