Books for Teens?

If Only Mothers Paid More Attention. O. K. yes I was a teen pregnancy but really! Recently I overheard my daughters and their friends discussing two book series they have read. My daughters are 20 something, they can read what they want. My beef here is that they found these books in the Teen section. Moms.. these books are filled with lust and sex and immoral stuff. Orgies, blood lust.(whatever that is) but it involves having sex with three different people. I am not a prude but if I had a young daughter I would not allow her to read something that sounds like Romance Novel sex. It is a difficult these days to raise children with a strong moral compass. It seems like the world has gone mad. So Moms preread what your kids are reading. Protect them from the insatiable sex crazed attitudes out there. Protect them from themselves. And bookstores need to be more discerning where they place books in their stores.
Maybe we need some kind of rating system like for movies and games. And really (although I was given to understand a reason for it) but if you lived forever would you spend it in High School?

Comments on the Baby Shower

Okay...Betina here. After reading Deb's post, I would have to say I agree with her. I don't know how children survived without all of our lists of things to do or have. I mean, even the baby section in the store is a complicated area. You have so many different types of formula, diapers, food (from 1st foods to graduate foods), toys that supposedly helps brain, eye, or prefrontal cortex development. It makes you wonder how people made it before there was walmart or grocery stores...when you actually had to make or grow your own clothes and food. Whenever I am invited to a baby shower, I feel overwhelmed with what I should get. Here are some tips if you ever feel like you are at a loss on what to buy at a shower.

1. Diapers. Yes Deb was so right on that one. Warning: children tend to grow quickly and newborn diapers don't fit for very long. Perhaps buy a size one or get a small package of newborns and a small package of size one. For newborn diapers I prefer the diapers that have a little cut-out where the umbilical chord will be. 
2. Clothes. Sometimes buying a super-cute outfit is nice. But on the other hand, buying clothes that are practical make sense to. Usually you can buy a set of clothes. WARNING: once again, children grow fast, so try to buy things slightly older like 3-6 months. If you can, try to think of when the baby will be born (summer) and how old they will be in six months (winter) so you can buy accordingly.
3. Bottles. Now, I agree with Deb that breast feeding is the way to go. There are so many advantages: the baby will receive immunities passed on through the breast milk, mothers will burn more calories, and I think it (my opinion only) breast feeding decreases the risk of postpartum depression. But sometimes it is not feasible. With my second child, I couldn't breast feed for very long because of complications. 
4. Baby Wash
5. Diaper ointment
6. Baby blankets 

There are so many things you can get at a baby shower. But I have found the more high-tech a gadget is, the less-likely I will use it. It just gets to confusing.  

Betina and I went to a baby shower this weekend that my daughter Tara gave for a girl she knows who is young and unwed, quite the norm these days. But I am not one to talk, I was 16 and with child back in 1976. The difference is now it is normal and there is even a show on t.v. about it, more than one come to think about it. If only they had had a show back then, I would have told my story. Come to think of it they have. It's called that 70's Show.



Anyway back to the baby shower. I can't believe all the new "necessities" there are these days. If only they had had them when I was having children. I'm joking really. I don't see how anyone even survived infancy and childhood with out all these gadgets. Things to keep baby on it's side, baby monitors. sterilizers ect. I mean how is it that my kids without all those accessories survived. Was it just luck? Again just joking. While I think most of it is over the top there are products out there that I really do appreciate. Disposable diapers for one. Most of the time with my first child I couldn't afford them there for a gift card for diapers is my standard gift. I would like to see them made out of something easily decomposed though. And baby wipes, man do I like them...If memory serves they came after diapers and I loved them because I gag very easily. Diapers have come a long way too. The power to absorb nowadays is nothing short of amazing! And for me it's great because if at all possible I try to get my grand kids to wait until the parent or parents return. I suspect and have caught them encouraging their children to do the do do while at Granny's but I have more spoiling power so I don't feel too threatened, and the absorbing is so great it doesn't hurt to wait a little while. I have been known to call the kids back from recreation just to change the really stinky ones. After all I've been changing buts a long time and I never did like it. Does any one?



Baby monitors are cool too. I don't use them for baby's though. Spying on the older kids 5-8 years old is fun. They think I can read their minds. Try it..you'll laugh your head off.



My advice to young mothers is not to listen to advice. Follow your own instinct. Try to breast feed though. Boy could I go on a rant about that! Mostly I get upset that girls who really can't afford formula and very easily could breastfeed don't. Come on, the Creator of us made us to do that and science has been able to prove what a perfect food it is for baby. Best of all it's free! But then every good gift from God is free. It kills me that companies would put profit ahead of what is best for children but I guess that's the way it always has been. And girls, I do realize that there are circumstances that prevent breastfeeding but if possible at least give it a real good try. Every one is talking about health care and how to pay for it. well breastfeeding gets children off to a really wonderful start for free. And mom's out there, my daughter has had trouble in today's economy feeding her children fresh fruit. She started buying frozen and eating it in salads and just as an afternoon treat. The kids like it still partly frozen. It has my good idea seal approval for whatever that's worth.



Any way, I don't think we need all those new a sparkly things for baby. Hugs and kisses are what baby need most, and its free.

If Only I Listened To My Mother

Alright, Betina here. Now before I begin, if you haven't already please read the introductory blogs. There are two of them.

Anyway, so I just read Deb's intro. I think she should have called it "if only our husband's would listen". I can think of so many times when my own husband has not really paid attention to my advice. I am, after all, four years older than him and have been living completely on my own since I was eighteen and him not so much. (OK, so four years might not seem like a lot, but I feel like his mommy at times). But in the end I follow after him, cleaning up the financial mess he puts us in because he cannot say no to magazine salespeople or make-your-face-wrinkle-free radio adds (and I keep thinking, why do you need this you are only 23?), which leads me to think...if only I had listened to my mother.

Now, I know Deb says don't dwell on the past and get caught up in what could have been, but that is not my point. I hope maybe someone might read this and get some kind of insight that is probably already obvious anyway. But man, if I could say...girls listen to your mother (boys too I guess).

Here is a little list of my moments when I thought I knew best.

1. High School (every day really but key moments include): Not paying attention in my classes while playing the card game Egyptian Rat Killer. Yes, I played in the front row with a friend of mine. It did not go over so well. Not trying to get into school. Alright, this was the big one. My life forever changed after this. It is not that I wasn't smart (I eventually graduated from a university suma cum something); I was too scared of people knowing I didn't know what I was doing.
2. Having premarital sex: I know it sounds very cheesy. But I became a single mother with no college education. I did graduate, but I gave up so much. I will never get to do the things I wanted to do until I am too old or too in debt to care. Oh, and I swear my daughter made me prematurely gray. So my advice, be careful.
3. Marry for money and not for love. I think my mom fed this line to me every morning, noon, and night with various assortments of beef-stew. I got sick of hearing it about as much as I got sick of carrots and potatoes. So in the end, I married for love and now I have face cream, magazines, and some kind of vitamin designed for elderly people. And now I understand what she was saying. Life without money can be stressful. Yet, I think I would feel like I didn't have enough money whether my husband was a civil engineer or a fast-food hamburger engineer. So, if there was one area where I could say I am glad I didn't listen it would be marrying my husband for love (and compatibility).

Alright you met Betina but this is my, Deb's, take on this. I think of her as my daughter but I also have a daughter. They are both bright young women with small children. I was that once. And also I agree that many of my thoughts begin with "if only" but at the same time I realize that is a useless term. What is done is done. It is however what has led us to this page. This idea. It is all about the money. Lately with the economy as rough as it is I need Money. but "IF ONLY" my husband had listened to me and not made some choices he has made I probably wouldn't be in such state of high anxiety. if....only.... Too late now the names on the dotted line. If only he could of been content...crap if maddock or whatever his name is could only of been content..if wall street moguls had been content.!!!!!! I was content. Now I'm scared. We were ok before he bought a house dragging me kicking and screaming into massive $$ trouble we didn't have. So having not worked in years I'm trying to learn something new. this...blogging. I confess don't see how this will help but Betina and I are going to work on this together. Tag teaming the kids 9 months 3, 4 and 5 years today. We tried to get "professional " help and maybe still will but he doesn't get the constant irruptions and chaos that is our life with kids. If only I had nice quiet still grandchildren who never fought or did anything naughty. As if if only actually meant anything, enough for now childhood calls, just not my childhood.

If Only- An Introduction

If only started out with two women and two different lives that somehow intertwined. Even defining my relationship with Deb seems to cause raised eyebrows followed immediately with some kind of stiff politeness from the other person. It amuses me. Why the awkwardness?

I would define Deb as a former potential mother-in-law. I dated her son (almost seriously), and went all the way in every way-except in the way that really counts: we never married. But we did have a daughter. So through my daughter I have kept in touch, and Deb's formal relation to me is the paternal grandmother of my child. But in reality we are pretty good friends. Even sometimes I see Deb as a fill-in for my own mother, which leads to her giving me brutally-honest advice.

To me there are two sides to honesty. The cliche that honesty is so refreshing. Well I would like to add that honesty usually knocks you in the gut and makes you feel violated (all the while you feel exposed in some way). However, after you get over your feelings being hurt there is usually worthwhile advice, especially from someone who has lived longer, made some mistakes, and fought her way back to the top.

So when you read our blogs, keep in mind we are not trying to offend. It is just our thoughts and advice, because together (Deb more than me) we have been through a lot. And in life, sentences or thoughts that begin with the statement if only seems to be a re-occurring theme. We encourage everyone to join in, because we have all had those if only moments.