If only started out with two women and two different lives that somehow intertwined. Even defining my relationship with Deb seems to cause raised eyebrows followed immediately with some kind of stiff politeness from the other person. It amuses me. Why the awkwardness?
I would define Deb as a former potential mother-in-law. I dated her son (almost seriously), and went all the way in every way-except in the way that really counts: we never married. But we did have a daughter. So through my daughter I have kept in touch, and Deb's formal relation to me is the paternal grandmother of my child. But in reality we are pretty good friends. Even sometimes I see Deb as a fill-in for my own mother, which leads to her giving me brutally-honest advice.
To me there are two sides to honesty. The cliche that honesty is so refreshing. Well I would like to add that honesty usually knocks you in the gut and makes you feel violated (all the while you feel exposed in some way). However, after you get over your feelings being hurt there is usually worthwhile advice, especially from someone who has lived longer, made some mistakes, and fought her way back to the top.
So when you read our blogs, keep in mind we are not trying to offend. It is just our thoughts and advice, because together (Deb more than me) we have been through a lot. And in life, sentences or thoughts that begin with the statement if only seems to be a re-occurring theme. We encourage everyone to join in, because we have all had those if only moments.
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When I was younger my mother would always lecture me about stupid things I had done. She would drive her opinions into my head repeatedly. I would just zone out after she repeated herself about three times. But now that I'm older I know that "if only" I had listened to her, I probably could have saved myself from a lot of headaches. Long story short single father, college drop out, and I spent some time in jail. There have definitely been some "if only" moments in my life, but now I am happy to say that I married the woman of my dreams and things are looking up. In a way being married is kinda like having another mother. She tells me what to do all the time too, and always lets me know when I #@*! up. But not to worry unlike your husbands I always listen to my wife :P.
ReplyDeleteI have been on my own most of my life. Guided by those I chose, rather than those chosen for me... and I have made a lot of mistakes. Perhaps because I have no one to impress with my life choices (no family), I don't have a single "if only" that comes to mind. The mistakes I have made make me who I am today. They give shadow to my perfection (and oh yess I am a narcissist)but it is all part of my survival mechanism. Loving myself has become more of a spiritual practice in the last year that has lost the narcissism. It has become a prerequisite for my work with dying people, and for my relationships with others. How can I love anyone else if I don't love myself?
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