What is wrong with being happy with what you have accomplished? I know, believe me I know, we can't all be the doctors and astronauts  we dreamed about in the first grade. But there is a hope inside of me, something daring to exist in the depth of my being--to do what I want to do. Alright so some parents want their kids to become doctors and lawyers or good money makers of some kind. But in the end it seems like a lot of effort for worldly things that don't truly matter. How can money really matter that much to anyone? Yes, money provides food and shelter, but bulldozing through the competition just to get your hands on a pile of stinky-passed-around (and therefore germ infested) dollar bills is just nuts. Crazy. And (money) tears down anyone's sense of dignity or good nature. 

So what can I say? For so many years I have tried to make my family proud. Doesn't happen. I have invested too much of myself trying to get my dad to notice me. Sure, I made mistakes. Sure I had a daughter at the wrong time with the wrong guy (not a big deal these days). But I tried to make my dad proud. And once again I changed my life so my dad would care. I put myself through school. I raised a daughter. I graduated college with a 4.0. Who really cared? Maybe I should apply to Law School, (I briefly entertained that idea) maybe they would like that. 

But it is all bull. REally it is. I don't want to be a lawyer. Oh yes, not to sound cocky, but I could do it. I would be great. But I would hate it. Boy, would I hate it. And it is not that being a lawyer is bad (even though jokes could contend otherwise). I am certain there are many people out there called to be a lawyer to do something passionate and not to do something to impress someone else.  

Now I want to do something for me. If you believe in God, or if you don't, I believe we are all meant to become something. Something to inspire us. I want to be a writer. I don't care if i am successful. I just want to write books. I have always felt that was my calling. So I don't want to be successful to extend my credentials or put in the little brochure of accomplishments at a reunion. For me, with writing, there are no feelings of pride or ambition. I want to do it because it makes me happy.

So what is wrong with that? Why does my family want me to pursue a career that I was never meant to be a part of? My children are cared for. My life is good. So butt out. Leave me alone. I don't need anyone's approval but my own.